How To Create A New Website Banner & Not Be Completely & Utterly Useless

Bert n LuckyEthel Arms Folded

Hiya, Gang.  welcome to How To Create A New Website Banner & Not Be Completely & Utterly Useless.  Welcome to No-Rules Blogging!!  

You may be able to work what out my long suffering wife, LuckyEthel, often calls me when she gets home from bingo and sees what I’ve been doing instead of the washing up. 

The words often include – completely and uttely useless!!

And as you already know – women are always right!!

My Mate Bert In Cell WavingToday, my mate, Bert, my imaginary friend and me were gonna tell you about a brainwave we had the other day but our psychiatrist said we really shouldn’t. 

Instead, Bert suggested we tell ya how to make your own 468 x 60 online banners and store them round our house in the shed for free.


In this post you will discover:

  • Why you might need your own banners
  • Who the hell  are and what they’re all about
  • How to quickly make a 468 x 60 banner of your very own what’s better than them other ones everywhere online
  • Where our house is so you can store your banners what you make dirt cheap, AKA FREE, as long as you are a member, Bert says.
  • How Bert got me arrested last Wednesday


“You want banners what no-one else has got”


Bert said that to me one day.   “You see the same old banners all the time on TE sites and they get really, reeally, reeeally boring with such a big B that it’s even bigger than that silly old B they used for the Big Bang and it needs THREE exclamation marks!!!


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Morons From The Moon

Everyone uses the same old boring banners what we’ve all seen a kerbillion times and now are banner-blind to, which is similar to Bert coming back blind-drunk and legless from the boozer. 

There might be several reasons for this  – high among them total and utter incompetence or just down right can’t-be-all-that-bothered-ness.

They’ll get no-where ‘coz they expect a million quid tomorrow and that just ain’t never gonna happen if they don’t get off their bums and learn the job!!

They might be up and coming lazy beggars with not not a clue about what they’re up since they never even bothered to learn what a traffic exchange is for.  They’re the ones who never get a single referral wanting to part with cash, ever, no, not even one!!

But they might just be keeping their heads down hoping nobody will ever notice or join using their promoted banners ‘coz they are morons from the moon.


Who The Hell Are Canva and How Much This Time?

Bert loves a really cool image creation site called where we make our banners fast before the police arrive.  Over there they’ve got this image making thing what makes all sorts of stuff and let’s you download them.  They fit everything from Facebook to them little 468 x 60 banners what traffic exchanges want or else they has a hissie fit at you.

The services & facilities are free for everything a TE banners needs but if you’ve got a spare few quid they’ll have that off ya if you ain’t careful.  We’ve never been there long enough to find out before they’ve called the police.

Banners When Ya Need A Quick Getaway Before You Get Officially Banned

It takes us on average about 2 minutes to make our own unique banners of all sizes at what get us banned from all sorts of places by banners who ban our banners without even a goodbye kiss. 

2 minutes is all it takes to come up with something no-one’s ever seen before if you’ve got an imaginary friend like my mate, Bert. 

He’s good at coming up with excuses in court as well which is handy when official banners want to ban ya from somewhere else.




How Bert Got Me Arrested Again Again

I always blame my mate, Bert, completely ‘coz it’s always his fault.  That’s the trouble with imaginary friends – people just don’t want ya to bring them with you when having a working lunch down the pub. 

If your imaginary friend is called Bert you are in right poop by the time they throw you out and Bert’s imagination takes over as ya wobble down the street singing “I’m In The Mood For Dancing”.  Especially when you need a bit of well earned quick relief and everything’s all blurry.

Like all good folks everywhere ya never see past the first word of anything especially since you’ve just come from a public house.  When ya see the next word public you expect it to say convenience.

It’s a bit of a bugger when ya come to and you’re in the public library pissing on the head librarian’s computer.  It’s more of a hiss than a shhhh!!!  If you know how we can explain this one to a judge before we get banned we’d love to hear from you – urgently!!!!!



Bert’s Kurrent Kununderum

Bert wants to know, if everyone on one side of Earth all ran northwards at the same time, and if everyone on the other side ran south at the same time, how long it would take to make the Earth rotate that way instead?  It’s a kununderum, that one is, Bert reckons!!



Join My Mate, Bert On FaceBookDo you have a branding or advertising question you need an answer to or help with? 

Just leave just get in touch using our Contact Us page or any comments section at this site & we’ll get right back to you.

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We look forward to hearing from you & any stories you may wish to share with our visitors. 

Thanks, Bert.





Filed Under: How To Create A New Website Banner & Not Be Completely & Utterly Useless
About My Mate Bert 34 Articles
Hello folks. My name is Andre Kish, from Brighton, England. I started working in the business systems industries & commercial sales support back in the early 1980s working with systems tech & software publishing companies. Due to family disabilities, since 1993 I’ve been working from home helping newcomers to online marketing. I aim to provide YOU with the VERY BEST FREE BRANDING & WEBSITE DESIGN TRAINING available anywhere online.

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